An Unpopular Opinion From a Therapist: I Don’t Love New Year’s Resolutions
As a therapist, I’ll admit something that might surprise you: I don’t love New Year’s resolutions. At least not the kind that come with pressure, perfectionism, and the belief that January 1st is the only time change is allowed to begin.
If you’re a woman who’s been juggling work, family, the mental load of keeping everyone’s lives running, or the invisible weight of being “the strong one,” you might already be exhausted before the new year even starts. The idea of a “new you” on top of everything else can feel less like hope and more like pressure.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in growth — quite the opposite. I spend my days helping people change their thoughts, habits, relationships, and patterns. I just don’t believe that change needs a calendar date to be valid.
The truth is, if New Year’s resolutions were the key to lasting transformation, most of us would already be living very different lives. Research consistently shows that while many people make resolutions, only about 9% actually keep them, meaning the vast majority abandon them somewhere along the way. This isn’t a motivation problem — it’s a human one.
Why Resolutions So Often Fall Apart
Traditional New Year’s resolutions tend to fail because they’re rooted in timing rather than meaning. They often ask for big, sweeping change without honoring what’s actually happening in someone’s nervous system, life circumstances, or emotional world.
In real life, it looks more like this:
You promise yourself you’ll wake up early to journal, but the baby was up three times last night and you’re just trying to survive the morning.
You plan to work out after work, but by 5 p.m. you’re completely drained from decisions, emails, and caretaking.
You vow to “be more patient with the kids,” but no one accounted for tantrums, carpool, and the constant background anxiety you’re already carrying.
It’s easy to label this as “laziness” or “lack of willpower,” but that’s not what’s happening. Your life is already full. Your nervous system is already working overtime.
In therapy, what I see again and again is this:
Real change doesn’t usually happen because the year changed. It happens because staying the same started to hurt more than changing.
People don’t begin healing because a calendar flipped — they begin because something inside them says, I can’t keep living like this. That moment might happen in January… or May… or a random Tuesday in October.
Shedding, Loss, and the Meaning of Forward Motion
2025 was called the Year of the Snake, a symbol often associated with shedding old skin and transformation. For many people, this past year didn’t feel like growth in the celebratory sense — it felt like loss, grief, endings, or uncomfortable awareness.
Maybe you:
Let go of a relationship or friendship that no longer felt healthy.
Realized you can’t keep being everything for everyone.
Started to see patterns — anxiety, people-pleasing, overworking — that you can’t unsee anymore.
Shedding is rarely neat or inspiring while it’s happening. It can feel painful, confusing, and disorienting. You might look at your life and think, I’m just barely getting through — not, Wow, look at my transformation.
If that’s you, it doesn’t mean you failed. It might mean you’ve been in a season of quiet shedding — of old expectations, roles, or ways of surviving that no longer fit.
The new year doesn’t have to be a demand for reinvention. It can simply be a reminder of forward motion — that movement is possible, even if it’s slow and imperfect.
Change Can Happen Any Time
Our brains are capable of change through neuroplasticity — meaning thoughts, habits, and emotional responses are not fixed. But that change doesn’t require January motivation. It requires compassion, repetition, safety, and support.
Sometimes the most powerful shift isn’t a bold resolution, but a quieter one:
Noticing a pattern.
Choosing self-understanding over self-criticism.
Deciding you deserve support.
Those moments don’t belong to a season. They belong to you.
If you’re feeling a tug for something to be different, you don’t have to overhaul your whole life. You might start with just one of these:
Name one thing that feels too heavy right now. You don’t have to fix it yet — just acknowledge it: This is a lot for one person to carry.
Ask yourself, “What would being just a little kinder to myself look like this week?” Maybe it’s going to bed earlier, saying no once, or letting something be “good enough” instead of perfect.
Consider where support might help. Is it anxiety, burnout, parenting, grief, or the constant feeling of not being enough? Simply allowing yourself to think, I don’t want to carry this alone, is a meaningful beginning.
Final Thought (and a Gentle Invitation)
I work with people all year long — not just in January — because real change doesn’t follow a calendar. It follows readiness, pain, hope, and the quiet realization that something has to shift. Sometimes change begins when the pain of staying the same finally outweighs the fear of doing something different. And that moment can arrive on any day of the year.
If the new year has you reflecting — or if you’re realizing you’ve been carrying something heavy for a long time — you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Therapy isn’t about fixing yourself; it’s about understanding yourself with compassion and learning how to move forward in a way that actually lasts.
I work with women who are navigating things like:
Anxiety and constant overthinking
Burnout and emotional exhaustion
Mom guilt and the pressure to “do it all”
Grief, big transitions, or feeling like you’ve lost yourself
I offer in-person therapy in Colorado and online therapy for adults in Colorado and Illinois. If you’re curious about whether we might be a good fit, you’re welcome to:
Reach out with questions
Schedule a brief consultation
Or book a session when you’re ready
We can talk about what you’ve been holding, what’s no longer working, and what support could look like for you.
You don’t need a new year to change.
You just need support — and the courage to start.
